Okay so today I finally went into the cop shop and got aaron's suicide letter, it was easier then I thought untill I read it all over again.
To read those words that he wrote break my heart, I thought that I had cried every tear I could for him but this simple piece of paper has bought up so many feelings that I had locked away.
Aaron will and has missed so much of Axden's life, he has missed everything past the age of 6 months, he never saw him crawling around, walking, talking, never heard his first word and never will hear axden tell him he loves him.
I know Axden will never remember Aaron he will only have photos and know what he is told. I will never keep this from Axden he has the right to know what happened to his Dad and not just assume its someone else or that he doesn't want to know him.
It hurts to think of the way everything was meant to be, how everything was meant to turn out and it was so far from the way it did.
Aaron's suicide will always haunt my sweetest dreams, there is nowhere I can hide from it, noway I can escape it and noway I could ever forget him.
:( *hugs* i thought you had read his note. hun,have you considered grief counselling ? reading your blog tells me your not in a happy place :(
ReplyDeletecoming from someone who didn't know thier dad ax will treasure any pics of aaron :-)
Your a great mum Ax will turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteIf you need me i'm just a call away i still care